*warning* This is a pretty perverted post and i know that. and i hate it too. i had posted this a while ago, then took it down, but have decided now to republish it. why? because it's extremely honest and i cant decide what to make of the "for it is shameful even to mention what the sinful do in secret" Bible verse. so in my indecisiveness ive decided to just put it up...here's a drop of the black poision within my heart. just be prepared.
secret truth: im insanely intoxicated at the thought of dating older men. and i dont mean, like 3-5 years older. i mean 10-25 years older. the thought has seeped inside me and im just consumed by it. i want it; i long for it. i lust after it. and i get irritated at things that prevent it from coming true.
for example, ive got this Professor, right? (dont worry its an online class; nothing weird is really happening here). pretty attractive, very sweet, loves reading and writing, encourages thinking about big ideas. *sigh* i am in love with him! haha or at least what i know about him. but of course, he's married to a beautiful lady and has three absolutely-adorable little kiddlets. :) and that makes me smile and makes me upset. i never, ever, ever would want to commit adultery and be the b***h that wrecked the lives of any man's family. never. i do not want to tear that beautiful thing apart. and yet i find myself dreaming about him...and other guys. seeing them and going into "flirtacious," catch-his-eye mode. casting secret glances his way, thinking about him...all this stuff that is terrible. these men are married! which may explain part of my frustration over this new obsession. most men who are as old as id like to date are either a.) married or b.) unmarried and for very, very good reasons. gr. all the ones i like are married because they actually have a life and are good, solid, wonderful men. its awful and wonderful at the same time.
there are so many reasons why i think i like older men. let me try to flush those out by listing a few of them here...older men:
1. like ideas and books and things other than endless video games and texting. so many guys my age are just infuriatingly narrow-minded and blah. its like, c'mon there is so much more out there to think about and discuss! please can we engage in some intellectual discussion here! i love how some older men have matured up and can see the value in/are willing to talk about those sorts of topics. *heart melts*
2. are more coretous and others-centered. i know this, along with all of these points, are certainly not true of all older men, and i definitely have a very specific type of older guy that i like, but these are just some points that generally come with age. anyways, so yes, most older guys are not quite so rash, so self-minded. they may be more likely to get the door for me, to just sit and hold me, offer to help me with things, etc. idk. just what ive gotten a sense of.
3. can be dizzingly hot. yes, there is some heavy passion in my mind here. im not necessarily proud of it; but what's more sexually intense than an older guy taking the lead in the relationship here? oh my gosh--and when they wear Oxford-type sweaters and dark-denim jeans and and have calloused hands... *sharp intake of breath*
i also think that older men are probably attractive to me because i feel like they're so much more similar to what i am accustomed to. i dont honestly know the guys closer to my age that well, and sometimes i think i just like older guys because they correspond more closely to what i see and highly respect in fatherly-figures like, obviously, my dad and my youth pastor, you know? idk.
what else?...there is so much here. i think those are the key reasons. im not saying that i have zero interest in guys closer to my age range. that's certainly not true! i do like guys my own age...they can be oh so sweet and cute and charming; they're young and fresh, willing to stay up late often. it'd be awesome to work through an entire life together with one of them, you know? older men have gone through so much...that's a plus and a negative. who doesnt like to grow together and struggle together? plus, haha, shallow as this sounds, you gotta consider what life will be like when he's seventy and you're only fifty. or even younger...sixty and forty. sheesh. things like this help to dampen the embers.
anyways--i know that this is probably WAYYYY more than anyone wanted to actually know; but it's just a lot of stuff ive been thinking through/obsessing over like a drug addict lately. i just cant get enough of older men! ow ow! ;) cheers, guys.
p.s. Daniel Craig and Patrick Wilson are two stars that you may be able to relate to what im talking about with....so freaking hot. thank goodness someone knew to throw D.C. in chaps in Cowboys and Aliens.
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