Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
so....im sorry; ive kinda decided that some of these questions are a little personal. not like, personal exactly; gr. what do i mean? i guess i mean that i want to share these answers with people im close to and really like and want them to know such secrets. :) i like to keep a little mystery.
in the meantime, though, i'll just either skip certain questions or only answer part of them. for this one...hmmm. i think id want to be just getting in a serious relationship. dated around for a while. ready to settle in and get married. id want to be done with college; living in England. maybe doing some advertising work or about ready to head to New Zealand to DP a film. maybe my sister Erin is pregnant with her first baby and my other sister, Danae, married. haha we'll have to see. :)
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
single: (desperately trying not to look desperately) available ;)
Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Yep, single. Ah, this is something my two older sisters and I get asked all the time when we're at family gatherings and its always so awkward. someone will be like, "so do you guys have any boyfriends?" (poor people--there's really no way to ask this without feeling like you've just plopped pebbles in a bowl of pudding accidently) and we just give a collective chime of "no." customers at where i work/families i babysit for ask if im dating too. i feel pretty ashamed soemtimes that im not. of course, i just play it off like its not a big deal but its really something that i struggle with. i dont like to think that my identity is defined by if im dating or not--that's so shallow, i know. but still....sometimes i just fear that *gulp* (never told anyone this before) not dating means:
1. i am a fat, ugly cow that guys just are NOT attracted to at all. (reconfirmed by a side glance in the mirror)
2. i have a horrible personality that guys find tremendously annoying and obnoxious
3. im just way too awkward to be in a relationship with
and a billion other things. i just feel like i lack so much by not being (or ever have been) in a relationship. i kind of feel like everyone around me knows that all of the above is true and that's why im alone. ick. i just dont take pride in being single...
now, beyond having claws dug through my self-esteem, my single status also manages to fuel my hopeless romantic side. that's probably contradictory. okay, maybe i mean that it just more or less puts a nice little chinese lantern of hope around it. like, it hasnt happened yet but you could STILL meet that handsome, scruffy Seattle man in a peacoat. :) *melting* or Daniel Craig will run into me and (after his wife's tragic leaving him for another guy) invite me to have coffee with him in England. or some young, dark-haired man will meet eyes with me as i hand him his latte; and the heat that blossoms from our hands touching will not be coming from the steam of the espresso but the instantaneous spark that has cracked from our faces finally connecting with each others after years of waiting! haha do you see why im still single?! im too insanely romantic. *sigh* a single life leaves lots of room for daydreaming.
now on a more mellow yet still positive note, single life also has allowed me lots of free time. and that's nice. :) honestly, not having to stress about working through a new, maze-like relationship is kind of a relief. cheaper too, hee hee; even though i do have a little blush in my heart for a guy who will pay for something. awhh.....like i said, too much free time. ;)
so overall, id have to say single life is similar to the color of lilacs...that grayish purple is a mix of feelings. part of it is pain, a heavy stone of self-hate, and the tendancy to just long and ache. but it is also part possibility, hope, and the chance of catching someone's eye...id be okay with this life for a little longer.
Yep, single. Ah, this is something my two older sisters and I get asked all the time when we're at family gatherings and its always so awkward. someone will be like, "so do you guys have any boyfriends?" (poor people--there's really no way to ask this without feeling like you've just plopped pebbles in a bowl of pudding accidently) and we just give a collective chime of "no." customers at where i work/families i babysit for ask if im dating too. i feel pretty ashamed soemtimes that im not. of course, i just play it off like its not a big deal but its really something that i struggle with. i dont like to think that my identity is defined by if im dating or not--that's so shallow, i know. but still....sometimes i just fear that *gulp* (never told anyone this before) not dating means:
1. i am a fat, ugly cow that guys just are NOT attracted to at all. (reconfirmed by a side glance in the mirror)
2. i have a horrible personality that guys find tremendously annoying and obnoxious
3. im just way too awkward to be in a relationship with
and a billion other things. i just feel like i lack so much by not being (or ever have been) in a relationship. i kind of feel like everyone around me knows that all of the above is true and that's why im alone. ick. i just dont take pride in being single...
now, beyond having claws dug through my self-esteem, my single status also manages to fuel my hopeless romantic side. that's probably contradictory. okay, maybe i mean that it just more or less puts a nice little chinese lantern of hope around it. like, it hasnt happened yet but you could STILL meet that handsome, scruffy Seattle man in a peacoat. :) *melting* or Daniel Craig will run into me and (after his wife's tragic leaving him for another guy) invite me to have coffee with him in England. or some young, dark-haired man will meet eyes with me as i hand him his latte; and the heat that blossoms from our hands touching will not be coming from the steam of the espresso but the instantaneous spark that has cracked from our faces finally connecting with each others after years of waiting! haha do you see why im still single?! im too insanely romantic. *sigh* a single life leaves lots of room for daydreaming.
now on a more mellow yet still positive note, single life also has allowed me lots of free time. and that's nice. :) honestly, not having to stress about working through a new, maze-like relationship is kind of a relief. cheaper too, hee hee; even though i do have a little blush in my heart for a guy who will pay for something. awhh.....like i said, too much free time. ;)
so overall, id have to say single life is similar to the color of lilacs...that grayish purple is a mix of feelings. part of it is pain, a heavy stone of self-hate, and the tendancy to just long and ache. but it is also part possibility, hope, and the chance of catching someone's eye...id be okay with this life for a little longer.
like eating chili after a hard workout
haha i seriously doubt that anyone can relate to that title, but that is what finding this list felt like to me. that same wonderfully satisfying feeling. :) thought i would try to make my way through this list...although it probably wont be every day; maybe every week...yeah, hopefully this isnt too vain/someone has a sliver of desire to read it. enjoy(ish)!
Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favourite tumblrs.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys/girls who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month.
Day 01 - Your current relationship, if single discuss how single life is.
Day 02 - Where you’d like to be in 10 years.
Day 03 - Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 04 - Your views on religion.
Day 05 - A time you thought about ending your own life.
Day 06 - Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 07 - Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
Day 08 - A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life.
Day 09 - How you hope your future will be like.
Day 10 - Discuss your first love and first kiss.
Day 11 - Put your ipod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.
Day 12 - Bullet your whole day.
Day 13 - Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.
Day 14 - Your earliest memory.
Day 15 - Your favourite tumblrs.
Day 16 - Your views on mainstream music.
Day 17 - Your highs and lows of this past year.
Day 18 - Your beliefs.
Day 19 - Disrespecting your parents.
Day 20 - How important you think education is.
Day 21 - One of your favorite shows.
Day 22 - How have you changed in the past 2 years?
Day 23 - Give pictures of 5 guys/girls who are famous who you find attractive.
Day 24 - Your favorite movie and what it’s about.
Day 25 - Someone who fascinates you and why.
Day 26 - What kind of person attracts you.
Day 27 - A problem that you have had.
Day 28 - Something that you miss.
Day 29 - Goals for the next 30 days.
Day 30 - Your highs and lows of this month.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
you made my heart stop
to the handsome, young, un-married (i hope!), sweet man at the coffee shop today. :) this is what ive been thinking about since i left my shift. it's for you, wherever and whoever you are. *sigh* wish you were going to see it...
I see you standing over there
You look around without a care
I pretend you notice me
I look in your eyes and what you see
Is it made up within my mind
Am I crazy just wastin' time
I think this could be love
I'm serious
What if we were made for each other
Born to become best friends and lovers
I want to stay right here
In this moment with you
Over and over and over again
What if this could be a real love
A love, a love, yeah
I write our names down in the sand
Picturing all our plans
I close my eyes and I can see
You, and you ask, "Will you marry me?"
Is it made up in my mind?
Am I crazy just wasting time?
I think this could be love
I'm serious
What if we were made for each other
Boy, you know you really make my heart stop
Stop, stop
Oh, what if this real love
What if this real love
Oh, boy, you make my heart stop
You make my heart stop
haha so ruidiculous, but you truly made my heart stop. <3
I see you standing over there
You look around without a care
I pretend you notice me
I look in your eyes and what you see
Is it made up within my mind
Am I crazy just wastin' time
I think this could be love
I'm serious
What if we were made for each other
Born to become best friends and lovers
I want to stay right here
In this moment with you
Over and over and over again
What if this could be a real love
A love, a love, yeah
I write our names down in the sand
Picturing all our plans
I close my eyes and I can see
You, and you ask, "Will you marry me?"
Is it made up in my mind?
Am I crazy just wasting time?
I think this could be love
I'm serious
What if we were made for each other
Boy, you know you really make my heart stop
Stop, stop
Oh, what if this real love
What if this real love
Oh, boy, you make my heart stop
You make my heart stop
haha so ruidiculous, but you truly made my heart stop. <3
Monday, November 7, 2011
giddy
today im in a pretty happy mood. joy is just bubbling up and i keep smiling for no real reason. :) its just one of those good days...i thought i'd make a list of some of the things i love in life and some of the things im giddy about today:
1. Sunny days that start with 127 Hours style sunrises
2. Starbucks' Peppermint Mochas
3. Justin Bieber's "Under the Mistletoe"
4. Bell-bottom jeans
5. Noses that scrunch up from laughing so hard
6. The thought of Christmas and Thanksgiving coming up
7. Sisters that banter with you when you're both up at 6:00 in the morning
8. Hot showers
and so much more...here's to the good little things in life that give me glimpes of God and make me giddy inside! cheers! <3
1. Sunny days that start with 127 Hours style sunrises
2. Starbucks' Peppermint Mochas
3. Justin Bieber's "Under the Mistletoe"
4. Bell-bottom jeans
5. Noses that scrunch up from laughing so hard
6. The thought of Christmas and Thanksgiving coming up
7. Sisters that banter with you when you're both up at 6:00 in the morning
8. Hot showers
and so much more...here's to the good little things in life that give me glimpes of God and make me giddy inside! cheers! <3
Friday, November 4, 2011
disrupted
my youth pastor will be leaving our church within the next few months here, and we seniors in the group have been spending a lot of time with him and his wife...it's been good. my heart is really starting to ache at the thought of him leaving. the struggle i want to flush out here, though, is not people leaving but rather talking about other people. when someone says something about a person that both of you know--whatever their judgment, whatever their comments, those are things you will now have to reconcile with every other opinion/experience you've had with that person. if someone says to me, "Katelyn just never shuts up. She's always talking about herself...It gets old" and all ive ever thought of katelyn is that she was nice, funny, and easy to get along with, suddenly im like CRAP are you serious? really? everyone thinks that about her? ive never thought of that before....and then you have to go through this whole mental struggle of who do i believe? do i trust my experience or do i try to merge them together? and all of a sudden that person's bitterness towards that other person--well deserved or not--becomes my bitterness towards that person. it is very, very hard to ever dismiss what a close friend/person you respect says about someone else. very hard. i just think that that's something everyone (absolutely including myself!) needs to keep in mind; sharing your angry feeligs about others to other people will affect their relationship with that person as well. it just cant go any other way.
with that said, i have to be honest and tell you that my youth pastor has shared some very hard-to-hear things about our senior pastor with us. and its like, for me, having grown up in this church and overall liking our senior pastor, i dont know what to think. to hear that someone has experienced all that crap from someone i respect sucks. it really does. i just wish that all that hurt was not true...and then part of me is like, but is it? and then my other half is like--you just heard a first-hand account! i dont know what to make of all of it. its very disturbing to me, though. i feel like someone just told me that i am in the Truman Show or that my dad is actually my step-dad. it cheapens any good memories you have had in that atmosphere/with that person. and it's sad. really sad. like oh my gosh, i cant believe my childhood was built upon this weak, fake leader.
i really dont know how to handle this. i dont know what to make of his character.
*sigh* sorry. this is just something ive been thinking through lately...haha sorry if it made no sense!
with that said, i have to be honest and tell you that my youth pastor has shared some very hard-to-hear things about our senior pastor with us. and its like, for me, having grown up in this church and overall liking our senior pastor, i dont know what to think. to hear that someone has experienced all that crap from someone i respect sucks. it really does. i just wish that all that hurt was not true...and then part of me is like, but is it? and then my other half is like--you just heard a first-hand account! i dont know what to make of all of it. its very disturbing to me, though. i feel like someone just told me that i am in the Truman Show or that my dad is actually my step-dad. it cheapens any good memories you have had in that atmosphere/with that person. and it's sad. really sad. like oh my gosh, i cant believe my childhood was built upon this weak, fake leader.
i really dont know how to handle this. i dont know what to make of his character.
*sigh* sorry. this is just something ive been thinking through lately...haha sorry if it made no sense!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
a blog
it seems as though everyone who has ever written a blog begins their blog with a posting about their beginning a blog. and im okay with that. reading that post is like tasting the whipped cream on a latte or finishing perfectly adjusting the blanket you're snuggling under to sleep at night. it's like "mmmm yes, this is going to be good. alright. time to begin indulging." so this is my post about blogging. :) hopefully someone thinks this is nice to read as well.
let me just say that i love blogs....LOVE them. i love following people who post such private thoughts about everyday life. it's so intimate, you know? you get the real answer to the question that all those passer-byers asked the blogger that day, "how you doing?" and you get to discover whether or not the "good" was a massive over- or understatement. it's so satisfying.
with this love, though, comes my hypocritical annoyance about people who don't post often. they post once maybe every 3-6 months and you're like, "im so hungry for your thoughts! please reflect!" this, however, is the main reason ive never created a blog of my own before now. i know that i probably will never post consistently. considering my priorities with all i have going on in life, this is not something to which i can commit as much time as i'd like to. :( so im sorry if you're like me and wish this would be a blog that got regular posts! i have to be honest and confess it probably wont be. for now, though, let's enjoy the honeymoon with this blog where i'll probably blog all the time from happiness about having a blog!
to anyone who (might ever actually) read this: i love you. :) yes, you. thanks for engaging with this facet of my life; i hope you can relate a little. please feel free to post a comment with your own thoughts. <3
let me just say that i love blogs....LOVE them. i love following people who post such private thoughts about everyday life. it's so intimate, you know? you get the real answer to the question that all those passer-byers asked the blogger that day, "how you doing?" and you get to discover whether or not the "good" was a massive over- or understatement. it's so satisfying.
with this love, though, comes my hypocritical annoyance about people who don't post often. they post once maybe every 3-6 months and you're like, "im so hungry for your thoughts! please reflect!" this, however, is the main reason ive never created a blog of my own before now. i know that i probably will never post consistently. considering my priorities with all i have going on in life, this is not something to which i can commit as much time as i'd like to. :( so im sorry if you're like me and wish this would be a blog that got regular posts! i have to be honest and confess it probably wont be. for now, though, let's enjoy the honeymoon with this blog where i'll probably blog all the time from happiness about having a blog!
to anyone who (might ever actually) read this: i love you. :) yes, you. thanks for engaging with this facet of my life; i hope you can relate a little. please feel free to post a comment with your own thoughts. <3
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