Grace-fall

Grace is such a hard concept for me to gamble with. I recall scribbling that in a journal years ago, but never did I realize just how much I have a messed up understanding of that idea.

This article, in particular, really has a lot to say that I haven't understood before.

When I was reading even just the introduction, I couldn't help but think about the parable of the prodigal son and how I had always sort of thought it ended. See, I thought--subconsciously enough that I only now can pick it out--that the son did all of those evil things and then had to "purge" such actions and purify himself by eating pig food and living in mud before he was good enough and worthy of returning home to beg his father for forgiveness. But that is....that is not what was happening. He was living out the consequences of his wrong actions--he was not redeeming himself. Thank God! THANK GOD! Seriously. He had the intention here to go home and to try and provide for himself/earn back some level of humanity by working for his father; but he did not earn such a reunion through poverty-stricken living, he did not say, okay, now I've earned enough to go ask. No--he flat out knew he had taken freedom and money too far and, as this article points out, abandoned his relationship with his father.

But it is here that another astoundingly profound point needs to be made. And that is this: the other son is also guilty of having abandoned the relationship with his father! There he was--entirely consumed with staying at home, doing the right thing, following all the rules, and just slaving, slaving, slaving away to hopefully earn something that his rule-breaking brother had apparently lost. Yet in this, he, too, cared not about his father.

I see myself in both brothers--absolutely. Wholly. Completely. I am both brothers and yet Lord I still am not Your's. I have not come to have or value a relationship with You. I do not know grace. I want to know grace. God, I want to know grace and I want a relationship--a true relationship--with You!