changing a culture

ive been thinking a lot lately, Abba, about how id really like to begin challenging this weight-obsessed culture that I find myself surrounded by. it is endless and prevalent for people to express a clear measurement of self-worth in relation to their weight. frustration, anger, despondency, desperation, idolization, value, control, Godliness. oh my gosh just EVERYTHING and ANYTHING good in life is determined in so, so many peoples' minds by how they're doing with food. they'll never say it directly, but its implied in their tsk-tsking after a brownie, their self-conscious be-ratings after indulging in that brownie or carb they had said they were trying to refrain from eating, their proclamations about getting back into shape and toning up--again. finally."if I can just get my fucking self together," I hear them whisper wordlessly. perhaps the worst part is that they do this until they're 60. it. does. not. end. they don't outgrow it because they assume it is what they must grow into. they assume it is what people do once they're finally mature. and it just breaks my heart that everyone thinks its merely an issue of willpower. no, lovelies, no it is not. you sweet, sweet darlings--there is so much more for you, so much more for you. I want to tell people about the freedom of intuitive eating; I want to tell them how much hope there is. but I become fearful, Lord--terrified that they'll laugh at me and say, "well you're a porky little piggy so I don't think you have any sound nutritional advice to offer me about eating. at least I try!" I would have thought someone was crazy telling me about IE when I was in the midst of that hell. it took me years to come to a place of understanding and peace and acceptance with it.


I guess all I can really do is begin challenging subtly. When opportunities present themselves for small comments or discussions, I can question what someone is saying. I can offer a warm hug, acceptance and understanding, and a different perspective. and perhaps most importantly I can try my best to lead by example, letting people see the way I interact with food without lying or hiding and being honest if people ask how or what I eat. I worry that when I struggle to walk my talk, people will judge and say, see it doesn't work! but part of intuitive eating is the journey to get there.


this makes me want to lead a small group on intuitive eating, honestly. before im done with college, perhaps next fall, I really want to host a collaborative group about it. which is great because that motivates me to move forward in my own recovery so I can help others. I remember Dad saying something when I initially told him and Mom about my struggles that that is something I will be able to do in the future: help others out of this. (at least, I think he said that! lol) it would bring me such great joy to do that.