Im in a peculiar mood today. Not really upset about anything; not really satisfied. The day's moving a bit too slowly for me. I'm tempted to see a movie after work but that's always meant binging and I'm trying to make it a week without any behaviors. Maybe I'll just go home. Maybe I'll see Kingsmen and just get a diet, caffeine free coke. Starve my body a little. Slim down a bit. Feel powerful and sexy and hot.
I think my favorite thing about work at present is simply that I feel confident. That's really the thing. I definitely make mistakes sometimes but I know how to work fast and well for the most part. I like being able to help people; I like the challenge of lifting heavy boxes. I like joking around and having such a great braid of personalities to volley back and forth with. I really love working with so many guys; they have good energy. Wayyyy better than working in a room full of women all day. I like feeling strong. Just strong. I know I have cellulite but it doesn't haunt me here because I know I can lift things and squat and walk fast. And those traits count for more than the smoothness of the skin under my jeans. I've given up on the idea that Mark or Justin could like me and have settled in to just taking the little bit of flirting I get from a few of the guys I would never date. They're pretty adorable and funny and I just like being with them in the freeing, no-commitment sense. Also no sex haha. I feel attractive but not sexual and that's a good, rare thing I think. That's not always a given. I feel so sleepy at the end of the day but I love it. I think that's maybe why I'm so satisfied with this work: because it's so emotionally up and down yet I also have such steady routine. So I don't stress about not doing what I want but I also use up a lot of my crazy emotional energy so that by the end of the day I typically feel like I've had a great adventure and am ready to settle in for bed.
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