My desire for you is difficult to describe. I crave and loathe you at the same time. I'm trying to get other shit done but each day I find myself wasting hours thinking, thinking, thinking about you.
I don't know what I'm doing. What you're doing. What we're doing.
Is everything I think to be happening imagined? Am I reading into things too much? Everything could be explained away. Unless you've been here awhile. Unless you've seen the transition. Unless, unless, unless. But even then, maybe not. Maybe nothing is going on. Maybe there's no energy or chemistry here. Maybe we're just becoming better friends. Maybe you're just being nice. Maybe I'm being too obvious, too eager. I don't know. Things feel out of control, though. Undefined and therefore possibly going to go too far but not until hindsight. Not until we can't take it back. I feel like there is something here. It feels like things did with Ryan. There just is that thing, you know? But...maybe not. Maybe I don't know.
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