OhheyhowsitgoingmydaywasgoodthanksandyoursokayKidsletsgoplay.
I feel like a cliché when she asks if women at work commented on your new clothes. Ah. I see. I am not the first femme to blush under your gaze. You are A Catch to people besides me. And of course I can see how that would be a self-evident truth. But I also know that I didn't love you when I initially came here. I thought you were nice and had a good family but that's it. There was no spark; I would not have approached you in a bar. I would not have stared at pictures of you. But now, oh holy shit, I am a goner. Months of bonding, bonding, bonding has led to this. I can't tell if I would be okay with us just being friends.
...
Last night we looked at pictures of your family. You and her and your adventures in Jakarta and when you first bought your house and when your littles were born. It changed something for me. Just a smidge. But it peeled a layer of the steeliness inside me. It made more willing to give, to accept that I may be in love with you but we are not meant to be together. That you have a history and a future without me and it will always be that way and, most importantly, I should not try and force it to be something else just so I can feel powerful enough to control my own story. You can still mean something precious to me without things turning physical. I can still feel deeply attached to you without needing to have an affair. I want to learn what I can from you, from our time together. I want to just grow however I can grow. I want us to be friends. Like when you texted me the f-bomb and when I confided in you that I miss the routine of French class. That sort of thing. Just friends. Someone I can trust and who trusts me. Someone who I can throw a couple beers back with on Friday night and who I can teach to bake and who can, respectively, teach me how to cook.
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