where's the beef?

I find myself craving the comfort of my eating disorder lately. Or the school routine. Or going to live abroad for yet another "gap year." Or moving to the east coast. Anything to not be *here.* Anything for a chance to recreate myself. To try again at making friends. To create a rhythm of life that doesn't leave me going to bed alone at 8pm on Saturday nights. I don't know if I just need to grow up. I don't know how to help myself. I don't know if I need to stay instead of bolting.