Mia

so ive started purging recently. it's been about 3 wks of approximately 3 purges a week.

i dont know what to do now. i feel....lonely. and like everything ive been reading online is saying how bad purging is for you, how it doesn't help you lose weight, etc. etc. but then i watch these documentaries on people who've been bulimic for anywhere from 5-23 years, purging 2-3x A DAY, and they're not skeletons, and i just think, hell, im okay. oh and these people are thin! they're exactly what i need to look like. so i feel like saying BS to these sites. besides, this will not be a long-term thing.

my legs are just repulsive. so repulisvely fat. i hate them. the celluite, the rolls, the craters of fat pockets on my butt and thighs. i cant even sit in bermudas anymore and feel safe. im just so fat. so fucking fat. 35lbs overweight...disgusting. i cant imagine walking around with a 35lb backpack on each day, and yet that's exactly what im doing right now. how gross. what a fucking food whore. im so disgusting. ive gotta get this fat off. i must!

i hope when i go to college i have enough times of being alone so that i can truly binge and purge when i want/need to. it's pretty hard here. im so rarely ever alone, and of course when i feel a deep urge to b and p i cant because there's people here and no public bathrooms i can think of in which i would feel okay purging in. im too loud...i do this coughing thing when i gag, which really helps but is super loud. anyways, so yeah, college needs to have some alone time...and i need to practice quieter techniques.

*sigh*